I Thought I Knew

I have been saved since 1989. It hasn’t been a perfect walk nor has it been a clean walk. As I have gotten older, I thought that I had some things settled about God and Who He is. I had built up a wealth of carnal knowledge to deal with rejection from the world but with God, I just knew I had that relationship down. Not that I was in perfect harmony, but I knew I was on the right track. As time had progressed, I began to realize I was struggling with the same issues. I had prayed, been prayed for, yet it seemed that there were these deep seeded issues that would constantly come up in my life. At first I thought the issue was that I was saying the wrong things in prayer or just didn’t believe hard enough.

Over the course of a few counseling sessions as I was about to teach on prayer, I realized the issue was how I saw God. I was one who took pride in my carnal knowledge so if you didn’t like me you had to respect me for what I knew. I was coming to find out that carnal knowledge and God’s wisdom are two totally different things! I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I had put God in my mind but had not allowed Him to penetrate my heart. I built up a wall of defense so that no one would ever hurt me to the core again, but I had also blocked God out! My mind is finite and because I was trying to comprehend God in my mind, I was TOTALLY missing who He IS! I figured if something was overwhelming for me to deal with or caused too much pain for me to even think about that surely He didn’t want to be bothered. BOY HAVE I BEEN WRONG AND MISLED BY MY OWN THOUGHTS! I have spent a great deal of time missing God because I tried to contain Him to my thoughts. No matter how many times I heard the Word, I would always spend time trying to down load it rather than to allow it to penetrate and change my heart.

Now I feel like the light has truly come on and I must allow the TRUTH of God to penetrate even to the dark areas of my life. I must give Him all of me and exalt Him in His rightful place. I feel like I have been given another opportunity to meet God through Christ all over again and this time do it right! God is not a man so I should not reduce Him to my limited strength or ways of thinking. It is now time to allow the Word to travel through all I am and saturate me so that I become like Him.

Even though I was ashamed at having realized how wrong I have been all this time, I am looking forward with excitement to really coming to spend time with God and knowing who He is and what He was trying to get me to learn about Him through everything I have been through. There is always a lesson God is trying to teach and my mind holds most of them, but without allowing them to get into my heart, they are not a part of who I am. God uses the things I go through to teach me about Him and to make me. It is time that I SHIFT to the next level in Him!

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