Have You Ever

Have you ever had a day where it seems like everything is just off? Like you have a million thoughts and ways to handle everything but it isn’t guaranteed to be the outcome you want? Like you are disconnected spiritually or off focus? I mean you are working and doing what you know to do but there is just something about it all that seems off. I have those moments, sometimes days, even if you don’t. I have times when I allow the “what ifs” of life to carry my mind into anxiety. It causes me to doubt most things and makes me want to shut myself off from others so I can work through every hypothetical thought I am presented with to keep me off balance. But then I always rehearse what I am sure of. I know my Redeemer liveth and I know He is in control! Rehearsing this helps me to grab those thoughts and bring them captive to the Word of God (2 Corinthians 10:5). It causes me to remember that He has a plan for my life and that He is in control always. We often make statements like “God is still in control” as though there was a time when He was not in control. My lack of control is never indicative of His sovereignty, power, control, or knowledge. PERIOD. This means that I need to spend some time in sincere prayer asking God to help me. I need Him to reveal to me the places where I am trying to control and to give them over to Him. Now I realize that there are statements said that seem contradictory. If He is always in control, why am I praying for Him to take the control He already has? It is an act of surrendering my will to His. Here is the other thing I notice when I am fighting for control: everything bothers me or comes up negative in my thoughts. I become discontented within because I do not trust that God has my good in His mind (Jeremiah 29;11). See, that is what the anxiety and control is really about. It wants me to believe that God is not or will not look out for me like I can. It wants me to believe that God should follow my lead when He knows all and I barely know the small part I see. What I do trust and know is that God is a good Father Who is not moved my temper tantrums, my emotional outburst, nor my attitude. He is always working things out for my good regardless of the road it takes to get there. He is always teaching me and reminding me that He is God and that He loves me with an everlasting love. He knows the way to take my soul (Job 29:10) and that never changes. Last night I went to bed anxiously praying (yeah that was an entire mess). This morning I woke up more focused on the Word of God and in prayer about the issues I am facing and trusting God with the outcome. I am learning to constantly remember that God truly fights all my battles and to be attentive to the lessons He teaches me daily. I don’t have it down and some days I run on automatic “figure it out yourself” mode than praying and trusting, but I show up daily to be better. I am just not going to fall into better, I have to work at it daily. I have to remind myself that God loves me truly. And today I ask that You God remind me of Your love for me in every place I go today. I thank You for never giving up on me and continually working in me much more than working through me. Thank You for being a good Father and teaching me how to trust You always. In Jesus’ Name I pray.

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