Search

Gratefully.....stuck?

I have been afford some great opportunities in my life to do some amazing things from personal to work, as well as educational experiences. Depending on where that place was, it shaped my views based upon the understanding I had at that time i experienced it as well. Being honest, a great deal of my experiences came from Christian community. Now before you say, “oh here we go,” I don’t mean that in any negative way. I’m a church baby - meaning I grew up in the church and most of my days were spent at church or a church function.

One of the things we hear is about being grateful. Because truthfully, there is someone praying for the opportunity you are complaining about. It makes you look at whatever that situation is and see the good. I have things I have prayed about and begged God for, and then after the “newness” wore off I was over it and asking for something else. But there is a difference that has be discussed to make the statement fit without labeling anyone of us as ingrates.

Take this the job I had before going to law school. I felt that it requires no thought as the process was very automated. I didn’t have to think to do the job, I just did it. I did not like that about the job. I wanted to use my mind at work and not meander through my days. But I told myself, “stop being ungrateful because someone else would love this job you're complaining about!” So when I got to work after that pep talk, I said, “I’m gonna make myself love this job. So what I don’t have to think, it’s a job!” See I was psyching myself up to stay stuck. Go settle in being stuck and calling it being grateful.

While I was convincing myself to love that job, God was saying, “apply to law school.” But I knew I was hearing things because I had just finished my bachelors degree and said I wasn’t going back to another school. I wasn’t burnt out, but I was just convinced I was done with education. I had my BS and was done. But God has more for me and the desire for it was birthed in me omg before I would ever understand God’s desire in my heart.

If you trace my life back to childhood, I was always after justice. Always want everyone to be at peace and no one to feel left out. Now there were a few ”jaded by life years,” but I’m talking a put the other ones...lol. Whenever I was asked the answer was always an attorney. while life experiences seemed to push me in another direction, God’s desire in my heart definitely prevailed. I graduated with my Juris Doctorate in May 2017. And while I’m seriously grateful for all the lessons law school taught me, I must admit my vision was super limited.

I just knew after law school my life would follow the given trajectory of passing the bar, being a public defender or criminal & social justices attorney, and one day become a judge. I literally had no aspersions outside of that. I remember the day after graduation saying, “well that’s it, I’ve done it all.” But thank God He knows more than me! Here I was like I was at the end of life and God had way more than I could ever imagine for me. And desiring greater in no way meant I was I thankful, but not pursuing it does mean I am stuck.

I am a advocate for striving for greater! I’m a pusher of others, and I love it. Often I realize that while I’m pushing others I have settled for me because the line of ungrateful and settling can be blurred - until today. I am thankful for my job, but this job is not all God has for me. Not because it’s a bad job, but because my mind can’t comprehend what He has in store for me. I’m not done living. I’m not done creating. And the greater I desire is His will stirring my heart. And I’m okay with it. It means I work while I seek Him for His way. I’m still working corporately and personally, and I know there is greater is here!


3 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All